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News - In order to more fully protect the rights of women, children
born through private sperm donation and of course genuine men who have agreed to donate sperm privately
Emma and a group of experienced donors, lawyers and fertility specialists are in the process of
creating a charitable organisation simply called Private Sperm Donations (PSD)
and it will be launched here.
Donors who agree to abide by the Code of Conduct will be able to let women know that they are a
member of PSD, in good standing and are aware of, and agree to follow good practice and behave
ethically at all times, as outlined by the PSD Ethics Committee.
If you are intereated in learning more, or being a part of PSD please visit www.Free-Sperm-Donations.com
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a FSDW Member?
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Sperm
Donations Chat
An
exciting, useful new page for Free Sperm Donations Worldwide members,
or those
considering joining!
** Official chat forum here shortly **
Share your experiences, ask others for advice or information about becoming
pregnant through sperm donations- discussions about artificial insemination,
donor conception!
Sperm donors please do use this page to offer info from your persepctive, and
to
post your tips and advice etc, but please
do not post your 'available to help' messages here- either use the Message
Boards
(you get a free message when you JOIN) or please do sign up as a private
sperm donor!
It's free to post your question although
we strictly monitor this board-
for example
you would not be able to ask for donors to
contact you through this page- you need to use the Message
Boards.if you are looking for a donor.
This is a discussions board, so that women and infertile couples
can
discuss donor conception and the pros and cons
of becoming pregnant- conceiving using fresh sperm using artificial
insemination.
Post
Your Questions and Comments about Assisted Pregnancy- Artificial Insemination
using Fresh Sperm
Donations
Chat Board
Hi Folks and
welcome to the new page- please get started sharing experiences and
asking others to volunteer to share tips and info etc!
Your response to Free Sperm donations Worldwide
has been really positive and it's so great to
hear of all your pregnancies!
Stay Safe
Everyone
Emma x
FSDW Site Creator and Moderator
Comment Only
Hi Emma,
I should have emailed before now but I have been very busy with our
beautiful 6 month old son.
Thanks to your hard work we found a genuine
donor and our son is everything we could have wished for and more.
Our
donor has also offered to help us again in the future with a sibling
for our son and to complete our family.
We can't begin to thank you enough
THANK YOU
Sarah (London)
I had to post this - I find this justification for requesting sex from a sperm donor quite bizarre
- luckily most of our donors offer fresh sperm in a clinical and non-personal manner which ensures that the woman
feels respected, and it's not too awkward of an experience. Sometimes though, I get cr*p like this...
Aug 08
I initially wrote to him as I believe him to be creating multiple profiles which is not permitted.
Did you want this as your one and only profile? Only one allowed per person.
Thank you
Emma
Hi Emma,
I don't know about multiple profiles. I am only one person so I will stick
with this one profile.
Just one question: I don't like the idea of artificial insemination. Can I
specify natural conception?
Regards,
**** (removed for privacy)
Hi- FSDW members are only interested in AI and are offended by anything
else- which is why they join here rather than other
sites/ forums. They need
the guy to ejaculate in another room and bring them the cup so they can
inseminate in private.
We are clamping down re the behaviour code, so anyone offering anything
other than AI will be removed. We just need
donors who are offering to help
for altruistic reasons, rather than anything sexual.
Many thanks
Emma
Hi,
> Inserting sperm into th cervix or uterus via the vagina seems fairly sexual to me no matter what method you use.
To eliminate the father in the> equation doesn't seem fair on the child. What about the child's right to know his/her father?
A child isn't a possesion.
Regards,
DS******
The woman does the insemination herself or with her partner - the donor is
just that, someone to provide the sperm.
He is absolutely not to be involved
sexually.
The method has nothing to do with eliminating the father out of the
question
- in the same way as using a fertility clinic and IVF.
You make your own arrangement- if you and the recipient agree that you are
to be a known donor then the child can find out about you.
The method of
conception has nothing to do with that agreement.
Through FSDW we offer a site where women can find a donor who will help them
become a parent- thats all they want.
They dont want anything sexual or
intimate with the sperm donor. If they want that they will get that from a
partner. Sex is NOT what this site is about. I think you need to donate
elsewhere- Im sure there are woman out there who
would have sex with you-
but we are absolutely not encouraging that on the FSDW site and you need to
do that elsewhere
if thats what you want from helping. Our donors do this in
a clinical and non-personal way- giving the woman a cup and leaving.
Their
payment is getting the satisfaction from helping. If thats not what you want
from this there are lots of other sites
where you can state that you want
sex from it.
Hope thats clear.
Emma
Dear Emma,
I am not after sex with lesbians. I am only concerned for the rights of the
child. Maybe you need to consider this some more.
Assuming that the child
will want nothing to do with it's father because of the nature of the
parents is wrong.
A child does have rights and is not a possesion like a
lounge suite bought on the shared account.
Please view the following quote:
"On websites, unhappy donor kids are beginning to speak up. "I believe that
it is a tragic turn for our society to celebrate fathers who intentionally
disconnect themselves from their children," writes the proprietor of
Whosedaughter.com. "I'm 18 and for most of my life, I haven't known half my
origins," Katrina Clark wrote in a Washington Post op-ed this past fall.
Donor conception has always been about making adults happy, not children,
she continued. As a child, she found herself
jealous of a friend whose
parents were divorced; at least the girl got to visit her father."
from 'The Incredible Shrinking father', by Kay S. Hymowitz
D****- Im talking about how you offer sperm.
Im not talking about the child- Im a child behaviour therapist known world
wide as The Child Listener
- I think you will find I know a fair bit about
the subject.
Penetrating a woman has NOTHING to do with a child and the child's rights.
If you are unable to only offer fresh sperm, in a cup, please delete your
profile.
Many thanks
Emma
> Dear Emma,
>
> Using the word 'penetrating' gives the impression of a violent act against the woman. Intercourse is a loving act between
two consenting partners and this love is transfered to the child as are the predominant moods of the mother during pregnancy
(this is the latest research). Inserting sperm using syringes and turkey basters even though sexual in nature, does not result
in the same love tranference, if it is as you say, equivalent to a 'pap smear'. I'm suprised you take such a clinical approach
to the subject
given your expertise.
>
I really am not going to discuss this further - its ridiculous!!- there is
no 'loving act' when its two strangers- which is what a donor is.
'Love
transference'??? Seriously? Are you kidding me???
Please clarify that you are offering fresh sperm through AI - ie in a cup
and given to the woman- or I will delete
your profile and block you.
Your arguments are ridiculous.
And even if you really do believe what you are saying, trust me- as an
reknown expert in this field- doing it in a clinic
manner is a necessity if
you are to respect the mother's rights.
If you really are interesting in ensuring the woman is calm and relaxed, and
has moods during pregnancy that are of a
positive nature, you will not
attempt to persuade her to have sex. She doesnt want a relationship with
you- she wants a child. You are simply a donor. If you arent happy with
that dont do it.
If you want to be a known donor, to to be involved in the child so that he ir she grows up knowing the father then go for it- good on you.
But penetrating the mother has nothing to do with that. You can do that with a lesbian couple also - ie ensure the child knows you.
Absolutely every child should have the right to know where they come from- and Im happy to discuss that at any time
- as a professional, But what you are talking about here is the insemination- and that you want to do it by having sex.
Thats not related to the child and their rights at all.
If you only want to produce a child with someone through 'love transferance'
you can only do that with someone you love and are in a relationship with.
Ive never heard such a load of rubbish in my life- dont justify wanting
freebie sex by bringing the rights of the child, or development during
pregnancy into it. I have a specialist in this area...what you are saying is complete twaddle.
The development and rights of the child has NOTHING to do with how the sperm
is inserted into the vagina. The rights of the
woman absolutely had
everything to do with it. No woman should have to be violated just to become
pregnant. And a
stranger's penis in her body- a person she has no
attraction for or desire to have a relationship with- is a violation.
It is
considered by most to be taking advantage of a vulnerable woman, who is desperate
for a child. Dont stoop that low.
If you want sex go somewhere else.
The site is VERY clearly set up to only allow donors who will donate for
free, using AI. So regardless of what you think,
if thats not what you are
offering then please delete your profile immediately as you are in breach of
the behaviour code.
www.free-sperm-donations.com/behaviour_code.htm
You are trying my patience.
Emma
FSDW Site Creator and Moderator
Name:
Lisa
Message:
Hey all.
I just wanted to get feedback from the women who have gone through the
experience, and find out
what problems they encountered.
I'm currently trying to get to grips with ovulation times. The kits
tell you to test a lot earlier than I would have thought.
Did anyone have any surges quite a few days before predicted ovulation
via temperature?
I think this site is a great idea, and I'm really hoping things work
out for me via this method. Just want to get it right!
Please
email me!
I am now 22 weeks pregnant, after just two trys! This is a splendid service you are providing.
There would have been no other way for us.
We were very lucky and had a very nice donor (as I'm sure most are, however, I still believe that no matter
how desparate you are, you must still move forward with caution. The first potential donor may not be the best one for you. Try to be rational, and if you have a bad feeling, then don't move forward at that time.
Again thank you for your help. I hope the rest of my pregnancy goes as smoothly as the first 22 weeks!
Comment Only
If you know of good donor testing facilities - for STDs, HIV etc- doctors, clinics etc- please can you send us info
so we can post on the site- thanks!
Em:-)
Could you please tell me the best type of syringe to use i have a plastic one but not sure its long enough?
Email us your comments and we will pass on- or if you are a registered donor or member please logon and contact 'Lena'
Thanks!
Re legalities of using fresh sperm from a donor- please read free info on the site and remember that this is info
we have gained through research- we are not legally trained. Basically there is no legal precident- for centuries
people have been coming to private arrangements with no problem. Technically however fresh sperm donation
(in the UK at least) is seen as no different than having intercourse, so the legalities are the same- ie the UK
donor could go to court to prove paternity and seek contact, and the woman could do the same, and seek
financial support. No-one on our site has had problems with this in two years- and as I said, there have been no
legal cases to date so people are obviously not having a problem sticking to their arrangements. We recommend
that you create an agreement to that effect and put it in writing- ie show clearly your intent. Understand however
that this in not a legally binding agreement and is not at this time legally enforceable as there have been no
related cases and the law does not recognise this issue. It will certainly help though, if either party decides to break this agreement for some reason. Its about risk and weighing up what feels right to you- and this is why meeting
your donor is so important. If in doubt about his character or intentions use a sperm bank- however in the UK
there are now no anonimity laws so your offspring can now track down 'Daddy' at age 18. Again this is why donors
choose to help through our site- so they dont have that issue- most donors and members create hotmail addresses
and take steps to protect themselves from being traced after conception ie make their own decision about how to do
this. Whats most important however is what you are trying to achieve- a baby! Nothing in life is a certainty so
research your decision and do whats right for you! Emma:-)
Comments?- send them and we will post!
Username KandA
Email: ksprig@blueyonder.co.uk
Message: Me and my partner are very new to this and would appreciate any advice at all. We would also like to
know how others have done any medical testings.
We are worried about testing for HIV etc. Any info you could give us on how other members have fared would be much appreciated.
Thanks so much for this
Emma's answer; I suggest you go to your local private medical practice and ask about
private testing/ STD
screening. Its the same as heterosexual couples who are
being sensible before sleeping together - they could go and ask for AIDS and
STD checks. Most of our members
do that- although many donors do this
regularly so they have certs as they organise it themselves.
Good luck!
Em
Hello Em,
First of all I'd like to say what a GREAT site I think this is! I've
had a really positive experience overall, and have now met a donor
who seems really genuine and just about perfect! For me to say that
(the girl who's always been too picky to settle for second best and
hence is still single at 39!) he must be good! There were some
members who didn't reply so i can let you have their names if that
will save other recipients some disappointment and effort - would you
like me to do so through the feedback form or to you direct?
I'm after a little advice now if that's possible please. My donor is
very happy to have testing done, but neither he nor
I know who will
do this for him, and what we should ask for. I do have some idea of
the tests from a fertility clinic
website, but perhaps more
importantly, I am drawing a blank investigating where he should go
for the tests.
Obviously I'd like both STD/HIV tests and sperm
quality/quantity etc. as he has never fathered a child.
I understand
from both NHS Direct and the National Gamete Donation Trust that UK
fertility clinics and GPs are both likely to say no, which I have to
say really worries me for many women out there.
Do you have any
ideas at all as to where the tests can be carried out? Of course I'm
expecting and willing to pay.
The donor lives in **** (in the
UK), if that's relevant info.
I'd really appreciate your help on this one; I've looked on the site
and found reference to your desire to set
up a database of testing
centres, but can't find the database itself. Please can you help me
get a step
closer to my dream? I've done a lot of research and my
decision to go for fresh sperm and this donor in
particular is a very
well informed one which I want to approach responsibly by having the
tests done.
Thanks so much in advance - and keep up the great work!!
Best wishes,
****
Emma's reply- HI and thanks for the positive feedback- yes, plese let me have the names of donors
who fail to respond - I have a 3 strikes and youre out rule!
Some find it really difficult to send a polite- 'sorry I can thelp you' message - and thats all thats needed really.
They cant donate to everyone! But we expect everyone to be
mutually respectful and sensitive. So Ill look into it for you by writing to them to check their status.
Re testing- you should be able to go to any private practice and just pay for them- ask at your local BUPA if they
do that and how much (and let us know!)
If anyone was concerned about STDs and HIV Im pretty
sure their doc would be under an obligation to get them
tested on the NHS? Anyone have a comment on that, or info?
Any docs out there?
Also, if he went in and said he was wanting to sleep with his new partner for the first time but they
were both being responsible and wanted to check they
were both 'clean'- surely he is able to get tested
They do testing for that reason as a matter of course in
some countries, eg Sweeden- who also happen to have low rates of sexually transmitted disease! - hmm theres a co-incidence.
I cant believe it would be that difficult to get tested- its the responsible thing to do- whether its for a donation or a new sexual relationship?
I am wanting to set up a datasbase of testing centres- Im just not having any luck getting contact details
and addresses to add as yet!
ANYONE HAVE ANY INFO?
PLEASE EMAIL ME WITH WITH USEFUL INFO - Em:-)
Update on UK private sperm donor testing- from site visitor
Name witheld for privacy: Testing is available at any NHS genito urinary clinic, results are available
next day and no details are forwarded to gps etc Hope this helps
Thanks! Can they just walk in or do they need any apt- and can they make these themselves?
Em:-
Just need to ring for an appointment at their local clinic, usually best to say for clearance for new relationship which would
allow both parties to attend. It is all done by a clinic identification number which is different to persons usual hospital or nhs number.
The results will only be given in person and will not be available to gp or on any hospital records.
Name: maria ******
Type: member
Feedback: after meeting being let down 6 times by donors I thought I would never find one I was very low and then I meet a donor who justed saved me who has helpt me so much I am due to have my baby any day now and its all thanks to a great donor and your site and I would like to say to members out there who are thinking of given up to stay hopefull the site dose work !! . there
are good donors out there thankyou to you for helping get my dream
maria
What an inspiration to us all - how wonderful that you had the strength of character to persevere with your dream, and that you
found a fantastic donor who supported you. We wish you all the very best Maria.
Feedback: Hi, I joined your sie looking for a donor, that aside I am disappointed that you allow members to state
'no lesbian couples', if I were to say no black donors I hope that I would be thrown off the site, homophobia is illegal
as is racism. You cannot claim to be equal opps and tolerate this, I hope you can reconcile this, ***** Submit
Hi- the site is set up to offer help and support for single women, infertile and lesbian couples.
Do you mean that a donor has put that in his profile? The site is fairly unique in that donors are donating for free, and will have to give up a great deal of their time as they are offering fresh sperm for collection every month until conception- so they are also meeting up with members to deliver. They are therefore picky with regards to who they donate to- they need to donate to someone they feel they are a match with, as most want to know that their child is to be raised by someone with the same kind of values etc- even if they arent actually involved with the raising of the child. Im sure you wouldnt be ok with donating your eggs to a racist, biggot or pscho!! You too would choose to donate to someone with the same ideas about life as you- and that means you would also be likely to ofend some people. We cant please everyone.
We ask that all donors be honest with regards to who they would like to donate to as they are offering this for free- so they cant help everyone. Some are not willing to donate to single women, some want to know you are emotionally and financially secure, some are not happy to donate to lesbian women, some may not be willing to donate to black women and couples. In the same way that everyone has the right to choose who they want to hook up with on dating sites etc. At many sperm banks donors write a document stating certain groups they will not allow their sperm to be given to. Whenever someone offers something there is usually something that stipulates the terms, and that should be our right- even if we offend some people doing this.
We would much rather that people be honest about that they are looking for, and offering, so no-one's time is wasted. You will note on message boards that women also put that they are looking for white donors. Which very clearly states they are not looking for a black donor. Black donors dont seem to be offened by this- they understand that people have different needs with regards to parenting etc.
Id suggest you dont get offended by this and just find donors who are willing to donate to lesbian couples as well.
If someone writes something offensive- as in personal attacks or judgments with regards to race or sexuality, then we would remove or amend profiles. We dont allow that.
But we welcome and encourage people to be honest. Far better than you spending lots of time contacting donors to then find that they dont wish to donate to you because of your ethnicity, sexuality, financial status.....whatever matters to them. So everyone puts as much as they can in profiles- and this saves time and is actually, in my opinion, far more respectful.
Equal opportunities actually doesnt mean that everyone has to be treated the same. It means giving everyone the same opportunity, regardless. This site actually offers people choice- when many are discriminated against and dont have this opportunity. Equal opps doesnt mean our donors have to donate to everyone. If its not right for you then this isnt the site for you- and we respect that. However there are lots of donors happy to donate to lesbian
Sperm
women and couples- just contact those!
Good luck with your search
Hi all- I have heard that a sperm donor who calls himself "Andrew" - and Recommended Donor / Proven Donor,
super swimmers, 1979guy, AAA, 1,
Family Guy..(.I think his name is Andrew Loxley? ) to name a few- has now been
officially banned from the FSDW site and
that this is only the second banned
since FSDW was set up.
I have
heard he is obsessive- emailing anyone and everyone offering to donate his sperm- he has even contacted
some of us (donors!) and has told people
that he has already had about
13 pregnancies- when's the guy going to stop???
I also heard that he charges 40p per mile
and other expenses- and around £100- 200 to send his sperm via a taxi to you?!
Hes offering a regular little business-
he will be charging for 'bespoke packaging' soon!
Sounds like a complete nutter to me!!!
Narcissistic. I spoke to one woman
who says hes really full-on- and also pushes for 'natural insemination'- looking for a
freebie sex session if you ask me- she was really concerned
about him and I heard that he has even tried to register again
-
despite Emma banning him. He seems to be
a bit of a nutter.
Keep up the good work Em- we need sites like this- and dont need private
sperm donors like him giving us genuine donors a bad name!!!
Ollie (sperm donor)
He contact me too- I told Emma I was concerned and Im glad she banned him- I found him really spooky.
Anyway, the good news is that Im now pregnant!
**** (removed for privacy)
Hi guys- this donor has told me, though his lawyers, that he will not register again. He has been banned- I am at
liberty to use my discretion in banning donors from my site, and for some reason he believes I dont have that right. Go figure.
Please dont ask me why he was banned- and just leave it at that.
Hopefully he will respect
my rights as the web site owner and not try to gain access to my member's only area again- if not I will
have to take out an injunction. It's like someone coming into your house when uninvited
- its trespassing on my cyer space lol.
Anyway, let's move on....Im sure we have more interesting things to discuss- and we can do that in my new chat forum
- launched shortly, yeah!!
Em:-)
Am pregnant after 3rd attempt. Initially felt very nervous about using this site, but the whole process has turned out to be incredibly simple, & actually a pleasant one. My donor turned out to be very helpful, friendly & efficient, just like you!
ps. had many responses from my ad, in fact was spoilt for choice.
Sept 2008
I have had all the tests done recently at the Northampton Sexual Health clinic, but on completion was told that
they don't issue results or anything to confirm you are clear due to problems in the past with people passing
on the results letter to be used by other people. Is this a common issue and do you have any ideas as to
how I might get round this problem? obviously people will want proof that the tests have been done!
Many thanks J (FSDW donor)
Reply-
I have never had problems with the clinic issuing a certificate, but you do have to pay for it,
otherwise it is just a verbal 'all clear' that they give you.
C (FSDW donor)
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